So many couples turn to infidelity because one partner’s sexual needs aren’t being met. Or they prefer sharing their desires with another because of a fear of being rejected by the one they love.Getty Images
Dr. Charley Ferrer is a world-reknown sexologist.
In the US, we believe in freedom of religion and freedom of speech. But what about freedom of sex? We’re taught sex is taboo and we should only speak of it in whispers or on talk shows where the topics are chosen for their obscurity and shock value in order to raise ratings and bring in more advertising money.
Yet what ever happened to truth and education?
We have celebrities like Tiger Woods saying in one interview it was his “right” to fool around with all those woman. Yet, when he lost substantial advertisement funding, he quickly changed his plea to Sexual Addiction. Jessie Ventura did the same, along with so many others, choosing to hide behind an emotional disorder instead of admitting their improprieties and acknowledging their dishonorable behaviors. Now we have a politician elected to congress who sends nude pictures to anonymous women on Twitter while at work or in government facilities. Should we single him out because he’s a politician? Should we expect more from him than we expect from ourselves or the unknown men or women we see every day on the street?
When will we demand more from those we place in office and in positions of power? When will we demand and require more dignity, more respect, more support for the common man? Will we demand it from ourselves?
It doesn’t surprise me that this latest photo escapade occurred with another politician or celebrity in the limelight. What surprises me is that, as a society, we don’t use Senator Anthony Weiner’s indiscretions as an example to improve ourselves and our relationships.
We should use his inappropriateness as an example to educate our children—our young adults—on appropriate sexual conduct.
Senator Weiner’s actions are why I believe it’s imperative to provide sexual reform and actually educate our children and ourselves – which in turn will enhance the intimacy in our current and future relationships. So many couples turn to infidelity because one partner’s sexual needs aren’t being met. Or they prefer sharing their desires with another because of a fear of being rejected by the one they love. Need I remind you of the potential risk factors in that scenario, not the least of which is STDs/STIs and divorce.
For me, the real tragedy in Weiner escapade isn’t the photos or where they were taken or who they were sent to – it’s the fact that he couldn’t discuss and share his desires with his partner, enabling them to create a safe environment for him to express his “naughty” needs. Perhaps if he had discussed these with his partner they could have opened an anonymous private account for “her”. This would have avoided the adverse media publicity and legal complications he now faces.
Aaah, that magic thing people forget to do…communication.
As a society, we have to reject the bill of guilt and shame and turn toward acceptance. Otherwise, our relationships will continue to suffer, triggering more divorces, more sexual dysfunctions, more depression, and more adverse physical and emotional symptoms; as well as the loss of respect from those we wish to impress most.
As a couple, sit down no less than once a week and discuss your desires with your partner. Yes, this may be embarrassing at first. We always feel shy and insecure when we try something new. Incorporate the sensual adventures you would like to create and add them to your “to do list” as a couple.
Tweak it as needed for maximum pleasure. Remember those Couple’s Play Dates I spoke of in the past, here’s a great opportunity to create one.
If you suffer from any form of sexual dysfunctions such as impotency, pre-mature ejaculation, anorgasmia, etc. or think you do, schedule an appointment with your physician to ensure there’s no biological reason and then see a sex therapist to help you overcome them. This will lead you on the path to salvage your relationship as you set aside your ego and pride and work on building and/or
re-establishing the intimacy and emotional connection with your partner.
Discover ways to grow as a couple through books, therapy, even a couple’s workshop designed specifically to enhance communication and sensual enjoyment. As adults, taking control of your finances, health, and family is important. But it’s also important to add sexual health to that list.
The truth is, when you’re sexually healthy and content there is no damage to your relationship possible. No possibilities of betrayal or humiliation due to inappropriate actions. No divorce suits due to infidelity. No broken families and marriages.
You’re an adult—now act like one! Be responsible and healthy with your sexual expression—this means communicate with your partner.
Dr. Charley Ferrer is a world-renowned Clinical Sexologist and the only Latina Doctor of Human Sexuality in the United States. She is the award winning author of The Latina Kama Sutra, The W.I.S.E. Journal for the Sensual Woman, and The Passionate Latina: In our own words. She is the founder and Executive Director of the Institute of Pleasure whose primary mission is to provide education on relationships, mental health services to women and men, and conduct research on sexuality. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.For more on Dr. Charley, go to www.instituteofpleasure.org.